Boxes are packed and the packers come on the 24th and then pack the kitchen, art work, the TV’s and then they load the 25th and then we are out of here the 26th and close the 27th. We leave Philly the 28th for Florida and I am excited and sad. I am looking forward to a new life for my family but will miss what I know. I like knowing things and having the comfort of my surroundings but this experience is teaching me a whole lot about just trusting and I feel so close to my husband despite the many annoyances we have daily with moving questions but I think that is standard.

I do feel a little nutty and I am not sleeping much..i feel like I wake up with a slight heart attack and then I re-group and tell myself it will all be ok. I have picked out carpet, wall colors and we are re-doing the kitchen and different color and new appliances. I am getting a baby gate for the pool and well there are just lots of little things that need to be done.

I also am behind in school and have a test soon, which I am sure I will do fine but I am still feeling pulled in every different direction.

I am happy that we are finding a place that we can all be together and all be well…and I am hoping we have found the place and if not..well nothing is forever and this move has helped me to understand that..

It is a miracle..I am only a few days late with your letter but forgive me as we are knee deep in the middle of packing up out house and I do not do well with moving. yes, we are moving from the only house the you have ever lived in since you were born…kind of making me sad now that I think of it. I worked so hard to create that pretty nursery and last weekend we sold your glider and ottoman to a nice pregnant mommy waiting to have a little girl and that made me happy we could pass it on for a fee. LOL. So anyway, about you. You are a pistol. You are hysterical and full of words..some we understand like poop, mommy, daddy, max, dog, esther, up, more that, yum, wow wow wubzy, help, wet, hot, shoes, nite, nite, hair, teeth, the part of your body, apple, water, cup, top and other and then there is a whole language that you speak that i understand but the words I do not know but I hear you. It is so cute and you have full conversations with yourself, the pretend phones, and anybody listening and of course your babies that you sleep with in your bed.

So one thing I call is the “escape artist” because not matter where we are you seem to escape-it can be playgrounds, people’s houses, whole foods, stores but you seem to escape and never look back. People always tell me that you will look back but you don’t..not because you don’t love me I think it is because you are so secure with how loved you are that there is no need to look back and of course that you want to leave and in your mind it is time to leave. You do crack me up. I literally have to run after you and scoop you up and then try to figure out how to occupy you so you don’t escape again or at least for another 5 minutes.

You have a sassy part and you and I know where you get that but I can also say that you dad has that too but I know you and I are so much a like. I see so much of you in myself already. I see the fire in you and the way that it has to be your way. The way that I pick out your shoes but then you reuse to wear them because you want to pick them out yourself…I did the same thing when I was your age. Luckily you like the clothes I pick for you or we would have issues..you just have a shoe thing and cell phones and remotes. You love your silver shoes and your puma sneakers…luckily target makes a lot of good shoes because I have a feeling we will need to keep you occupied with choices and luckily you have small feet so we won’t have to buy them too often.

You are a great sister. You adore your brother and you love to just squeeze him..so much that sometimes you get him upset. He watches out for you and I know he will always protect you. You had your first blood test this month. It was awful. I am sure I would have pushed it off as I did with your bothers but since we are moving I figured why not do it now and get it over with. You were a champ and i was so proud of you. They took 4 viles of blood. You screamed blood murder and sweated bullets but your survived and I had a cold bottle waiting for you. Yes bottles. You are officially switched over to Lactaid Milk and finally for the first time since I breast fed you-you are pooping normally. It is amazing and I know your little Gi system is getting better because that formula was horrible for you. You still love pizza and now you enjoy eating chicken with pizza sauce on it-you crack me up-anything with pizza sauce.

You are full of life my dear. You are a strong willed little girl and you are my love. I am so lucky to be your mom. You have taught me so much about myself already and I love watching you navigate through the world on a daily basis. You have no fears. You are the kid at the playground doing thing that kids twice your age are scared to do. Never look back and keep looking forward because your momma will always be there to chase after you. I love you Sammy Jane!

Sealed with all my love,

Mommy

I know this letter is so over due but these past few months have been hard for me to blog with the big move..I know no excuse but if you know anything about your mom..this is huge for me. But lets talk about you. You are such a big boy. First off, I have to say you also got Hand, Foot and Mouth and you were so sick…huge sores in your mouth and it was awful but you also gave up your bottle and your formula. You decided that you were a big boy and that you now prefer to drink lemonade, apple juice, carrot juice and water. You were a trooper during your sickness with fevers that went up and down and sores in your mouth that made it hard to drink but you still watched lots of movies and had fun at the beach.

I swear you were meant to be in the water. When you started to get ear infections at 9 months and we had to keep your ears out of the water it was hard-I am not sure for you but hard for me because I knew you loved the water so much but now you are a surfer. You just love it and you are really good. Daddy actually pulls you really fast down the beach on your board and you ride the waves and sometimes you fall but your scream for more.

I think one of the things I love about you the most is that you think everything is funny. I love the faces you make. This one is the classic Max face.

Down the shore we stayed in barnegat light and I think it was the 4th time you have stayed on Long Beach Island and it made me sad because I knew it would be a while since we would be back since we are moving to Florida so there were lots of treats and lots of eating. It is really amazing that your body does great when you are really just happy and in the sun so check all of these great pics of you eating your yummy gluten free stuff..

well this one was  not gluten free-but you only ate the icing..lol

Basically you just love life despite the 3 1/2 , I AM DOING IT MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY STAGE YOU ARE GOING THROUGH but I think all kids go through that or at least that is what I am told. I love your curiosity. I love that you have a story for everything. I love that when you dont want to do something you say you are tired or you say your back hurts you or say that the baby hurt you..you have a story for everything..You are great at figuring things out-and you love to help..of course unless you dont feel like it. But really you are a great kid.

As far as speech, your teacher Miss Marlene Belkin says that you are at 80% and that is amazing. I am so proud of you. I can see your personality coming through in your speech and trust me even when you did not have words you could light up a room…you have never lacked in that area.

You still LOVE trucks, cars and now Love Dinosaurs. You are using the potty more and more and wear pull ups. We have some accidents and you do not like to potty at school but you will when you want to and I have learned you cannot be pushed..hhhmmm..wonder where you get that quality from? You are just a great kid and an amazing brother. You love to play HARD. You are so excited to move. You keep asking when we are moving to the house with the pool. I have found a montessori school that I am excited about and your sister will attend for a few morning in January. I am excited for your new life In Boca raton Florida. You will be my little Jewish Surfer Boy. I love my dear Angel!!

I am so overdue on this letter but better late than never. Wow-this has been a tough month for you. Let me see-first an ER trip with a 105.5 temp to the Southern Ocean County Hospital, then a case of Hand, Foot & Mouth Disease, then a yeast infection and then  spider bite that landed us in Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia but you are fine, tired but fine. I have to say that despite being sick-especially the high fever, (which scared your mom and dad so much), you were still your wild free loving self. And let me also say that the drive to the ER from Barnegat Light on Long Beach Island was 45 minutes and it was the longest drive for me EVER. I was so scared but you were fine and you are good now.

I have also come to learn that my mom says we are exactly alike in personality. I did know this when I saw how independent you are…I just had that feeling that the “apple did not fall too far from the tree”.

You are talking so much. You call all dogs ESTHER because our dog is named Esther. You now say MOMMY and I love it. It warms my heart. You also say NO constantly and Bad. OH Geez. You love to say no and move your finger back and forth like I do-I swear little girl-you will cause me to gray early. You have a fire that cannot be squashed and a  personality that is louder than life.

You love your babies, strollers, cell phones, bags and most of all SHOES! You want to sleep in your shoes and wear them all of the time It is so funny. You hate getting your hair brushed, but love putting lotion on yourself and by the way-you even enjoy eating shea butter..you are so funny. You love to brush your teeth and splash in the water. You love to read books and dance on them too. You love to dance and sing.

You still love PIZZA more than any other food. We also call you swiper because you like to eat anything that anyone else is eating. It is hysterical. You prefer to eat with your fist, hands, fingers…you love to dip and you would bathe in marinara sauce if you were allowed..you love sweets too..anything that is candy and you beg for Omega DHA balls daily.

You love Max & Ruby, Curious George and Shrek. You enjoy TV but you really love to play. You love anything that has animals as one of your favorite movies is about a cat and dog, Milo & Otis. You basically love life. Your Dad and I always joke that your brother wants to create the party but you want to be the party. I love you so much. I love your zest for life and the fire inside of you. I love that you refuse to sit in a cart and that I cannot food shop with you because you have to walk. You are teaching me so much about how to tame a wild and beautiful little girl. Don’t change ever but understand that life does have rules. I love you little one!

So much to tell and I have not been writing in my blog with our busy life. First off, let me just say you are so handsome. I am amazed that you get more handsome each day. You love your Daddy so much but I know you love me equally just in different ways. You love to hit and wrestle with your Daddy but when it comes to hurting yourself and needing a good snuggle and love you turn to me. I think if you had it your way you would have the both of us with you every second of the day.

Well school ended a week ago and we headed for the beach. YOu LOVE the beach and love the sand. You actually like to pretend that you are swimming but in the sand. You love the take your clothes off and swim in the sand and the water. It is a delight to watch and hysterical too. You enjoy taking outside showers and you are very good at peeing on the rocks outside while you wait for the shower to get turned on. You still think you can be a dog like Esther. It is quite cute. I had to explain to you that you can pee outside but not  poop. You did not like that nor understand why you could not poop outside like Esther. I am sure this is one of the many conversations we will have in your life where it just does not make sense to you but it happens to be a common rule in life.

Your speech is amazing and this year we chose not to hire a therapist while we were at the beach because you are doing so well. So it is a true vacation. You have no school and no speech therapy. You are talking so much and saying the funniest things and oh gosh-even repeating things like, “Shit” and then your Dad said “put a Lindsay bracelet on Samantha to keep her in check” and you repeated it..so funny. You are doing great. So great that you are the little negotiator..you negotiate the amount of cookies you get for going pee/poop on the potty, car/trucks/lollipops etc. Yes, we are bribing our child to use the potty and it seems to work. LOL. You are wearing pull ups most of the time and sometimes big boy underwear. We are so proud of how hard you are working and if bribing works then so be it.

You love to wrestle with your sister and play lots of games. I think you both have a love/hate things going..one minute you are playing and laughing and next minute you are both crying or one is hitting and the other is crying. You are the best of friends and you are so sweet to her. You refer to her as MY Baby. She loves you so much. And we love you so much. There is not a lack of love in your life and it seems every time I look around you are getting a new gift from one of your grandparents who adore you too.

I love you sweet little boy-and yes you remind me daily that you are not a baby but  a big boy!

Hugs to you forever.-Your Momma

So when people ask my how old you are-I say “18 months going on 30!” You are hysterical ands so full of personality. You are very independent..almost to the pint where you will walk off and not look back. There are so many times where I have to tell your brother to stay while I run after you and you never look back except at the end of your walk and then you laugh. You love to laugh -strong belly laughs too. You have been cutting 4 teeth this month and not feeling your best. It is so sad to watch you in pain-I actually gave you tylenol the past few days which rarely happens. You went to the doctor and you are now over 20 pounds and 30 inches. You are eating and that is so good. I know you are small in size but you look big…I am sure it is that huge personality.

You are now in love with eating pizza. You walk up to the fridge and say UP and the you point at the whole foods fresh pizza and I break you off a piece and you eat. You love eating pizza even at 6:30 in the morning. The doctor says even if you eat is all day..it is fine as long as your are enjoying eating. I have notices that you like eating anything anyone else is eating..like the other day when you ate onions-yes raw onions in my salad. You also will not sit down in a high chair or on a chair-you like to stand and there are some things that I have learned to let go. I would rather you eat then force you to be upset and hysterical-so I let this one go. I went trough this with Max and he sits now..so I am sure you will sit too.

You love horses. We went to the Devon Horse Show the other day and you screamed and screamed NAY NAY! It was adorable. We also go and look at the horses down the street at least 3 times a week. You love them so much..actually you love all animals. You are now saying Nay nay, moo, cat, dog and your monkey noises are great. Basically, you just crack me up. Everybody says you are adorable and you are.

You hair is at the point where we can do pig tails or some type of top pony tail because if we don’t then you can’t see…your curls almost look like shirley temple. It is all very cute. I know I am going to have so much fun with your hair and of course since I have curly hair know how to condition all your beautiful curls. You are such a beautiful girl.

Now on to your shoes obsession. I did not know that you would be so much like a girl but you are. You LOVE shoes-you actually refuse to take them off because you love wearing them so much. I just bought you a new pair of Keens for the beach and when we move to Florida. They are pink-they are adorable and you love them.  Shannon-your babysitter also bought you a cute pair of shoes at Target-white and $6 and You LOVE them. You also love to go into my closet and wear my shoes, Max’s shoes and your Dad’s shoes..it is endless.

Well my little one-you are adorable and you are so much fun to be around. It has been a true honor to be your mom and I dream about how close we will be in our life together as mother and daughter. Don’t stop every looking up or pushing the boundaries because this makes you the tough and sweet girl that you are-I have said that from the moment you were born. I adore you.

Love,

Momma (which is what you call me!)

Anyway, here are some pics. Max had his first lemon stick-well 2 to be exact and Sam ate pizza. At the end of the day, both kids were happy. Max ended the day with a huge poop all over himself because I tried to bring out the travel potty and he told me I needed a bag and I went to turn and get one and bam..poop everywhere all over everything..himself, his shoes, the grass..it was gross and a great learning lesson..BRING THE DAMN BAG FOR THE TRAVLE POTTY OR MAKE HIM WEAR A DIAPER. LOL

So the hubby and I fly down Monday and meet with the developer on Tuesday and walk through the house. I feel at this point i have cried all the tears, been angry, felt annoyed, been sad, been scared and now I have just let go and accepted that this is what is best for my family. I want my husband to feel well and up north his psoriasis is bad. He has been going to doctors to find out about embrel, but that is an immune suppressing  drug and that is scary to us because any cold or virus could essentially kill him. So moving is the answer and now that I am through all those feelings I am getting excited.

I am looking for a nanny to help me a little, searching for a school for Max and finding out about speech therapy in Florida. The move would be the end of August and we would be living down in Florida, hopefully chillin and building a new life for us. I know I will meet people but it is also hard to start new. I know it is a lot of mommy classes with Samantha and playgrounds with the kids and finding those moms to become friends with again. It is hard but I know I can do it and I have to do it for the sake of my family. I am happy is my family is happy and truthfully, I think this move will be amazing for all of us…a slower way of life and we are 4 miles from the beach. WOW.

So I will keep you posted..it is all good and I guess that is what I finally realized..we will be fine no matter where we are as long as we are healthy and together.

You are a rock star. I have decided that even though you love to be guided by following the rules, you just love life. You live hard and play hard and LOVE hard. You have always been a  great big brother but now you want to help. You like to bathe samantha, put her to sleep, carry her and most of all make sure she is not getting hurt. You are the same way at school. Your teacher Miss Brenda says you protect the kids and they listen to you. You are such a great little man. You just want everybody to be happy. I swear you are always looking to find ways to laugh and it is a valuable lesson that you are teaching me.

School has been great for you. Miss belkin says that you are doing amazing with your speech. She said you have gone way beyond any of your goals and we are so proud of you. You are observing and using your words in all situations. You ask Why, Where, Who, What..you went from not speaking one word in March of 2009n to non-stop talking and I love when you say..”Is that a good idea?” It cracks me up because when you have an idea you always make sure it is the solution. You remind me so much of myself.

I also have to say you are very cool and very liked. You have two best friends at school, Thomas and Bruno, but you also hang with a few more boys that want to be in your crowd. You are in the phase of “LET ME PICK IT, LET ME CHOSE MY CLOTHES, LET ME..LET ME..LET ME”. It is awesome to see you taking care of yourself. You can put on your clothes, your shoes, brush your teeth and use the potty. You still do not using the potty at school but I am sure we will get there eventually. I am not worried. You whole life you have done things when you are ready and not a second before. You even picked out your shoes on the New Balance website. Yes, you will only wear New Balance..I had you in these shoes as your first pair of shoes and you refuse to wear anything else. But this year you wanted to pick them out and then press all the buttons on the computer to go to the check out and you did. Such a big boy.

You LOVE the Car Movie. You get a car movie car (under$4) every time you poop. I know we may be spoiling you but it has been the only thing we can give you. I tried candy-even gluten free and it was messing up your stomach and then I tried gluten free and dairy free chocolate and it messed up your stomach so we give cars. I wish it were easier like M & M’s but the Cars are fine and you are at least motivated. So you have a lot of cars and well you are going  potty a lot too and that is good. Since we are moving probably at the end of August, we need to get you potty trained because most schools do not let 3 years in the class unless they are potty trained..but like I said..all in your time..

I know you are my kid and all moms think their kid is handsome but you are SO handsome. You are just a very cute kid. Everybody loves you..your teachers, your grandparents and us. You have a spark for life that cannot be put out. You are loving books these days and we read books every night before bed.

You are going through that whiny 3 year old phase and throwing down your toys when you don’t get your way and I am hoping this is just a phase. i have actually had to tell you to go in a time out because not getting our way does not mean you can throw your toys. I probably need to put myself in a time out and take a mommy breath at those moments. I am sure being this ago is tough so I am trying to be loving and supportive. I love you and hope I support you in all the ways you need me too. You are a great kid and you are just growing up so fast.

Love, Mommy

It is a few days late and to be honest, I feel like life is moving so fast and I looked at my watch and realized that it was three days past your 17 month B day. So forgive me but here we go. I have been saying that you are 17 months going on 30 and I mean it. Everything is “I must do it myself”. You also always have a plan and a destination. It cracks me up how much you already express what you want. You have multiple words. You say up, dog, cat, sit, ba ba, wa wa, mama, dada, Ma-for max, car, poop, pee, nana for banana, more, apple, yummy, yes, no and I am sure there are more. You are so good at hearing words and then saying them. Last night you said moo, deer, hat, truck and well the list goes on. You will also have full conversation and I actually understand even though I don’t understand one word but it is a mother’s instinct.

You have a fire inside of you that is so persistent. You are such a little peanut but let me tell you one thing my little child-people see you coming from a mile away and your eyes-they say that you look through people when you look at them. I have a feeling that you will always see the truth in life. You have no fears at least so far-you are the kid at the playground that goes down the slide head first, you climb the railing of the stairs at home but you hate to be tied down. You refuse to sit and eat-you prefer the floor and I have tried and sometimes you sit but only on a big chair and then I have to hold you. You just don’t want to be a baby and you never did. You also want to do everything your brother does and you actually do.

You have started to eat some foods but you still love your bottle and I am not one to take it away from you-I have never believed that there is some magic age where the bottle should be taken away. But you do eat pasta, marinara sauce, rice, banana chips, strawberries, egg, beef, chicken, veggies, cheese, fruits and yogurt. You are not a big eater but I miss a lot of veggies in with your yogurt and you seem to love that. i also sneak spirulina in your morning bottle and you don’t seem to mind that at all either. You just like to eat on your own and feed yourself and you have been that way from birth so I am not surprised. You know what you like and what you don’t..well you don’t eat it.

You love to wrestle with your brother. Each night you both roll around on the floor and even kung fu fight since that is what your brother loves to do and you laugh and laugh. You love splashing him in the bath but then you kiss him when you see he gets upset. You enjoy hitting him but then patting him with love. You just enjoy playing and laughing. You enjoy books and when you are done hearing them you like to stand on them and say, “Book” and dance. You are just so funny. I don’t know how to explain it but you are. You are also a wanderer. You will just go off and not even look back. I guess it makes me feel good that you are so confident but at 17 months-can you give me another few years to get used to this? LOL

You are just a plain joy and I love you so much. I am so honored to be your momma. As much as your are independent, you are the first one who wants to be held, hugged and kissed. I love you so much!

Love, your momma-always and forever..don’t ever stop looking for the stars because I know you are looking. I love you sweet little girl. You make me so proud already!