I felt overwhelmed and just needed to take a break. I knew moving would be a lot but I did not know I would feel so tired and confused about all of it. I am happy we made the switch to Boca. We are all feeling great. Mu husband is doing much better..the kids are happy and healthy and I am doing good myself. It took a few weeks of feeling insane but as things started to get settled and we found a routine..well I began to feel normal again..whatever that means..

I do feel like the North was just go..go..go and down here is much more laid back. We live in a great community with really nice neighbors and finally the construction of the kitchen, bathroom and all that minor panting and stuff is over-although my husband told me last night we are doing crown molding on Tuesday. LOL. I swear it never ends. So I hope I will get back in the habit of posting again because I miss it and I miss having a place that I can write about the kids and out life.

So good bye for now and hopefully hello again as things have settled down and I only see a few boxes.

So this is the new and relaxed me..I guess Florida is good for me!

Between some hormones that are wacky and the doctors cannot figure it out, this and my serotonin and dopamine levels who are not doing there job, well I have melted down. 

But what I also know is that I have lost this part of me that just can BE since Samantha was born. I LOVE my kids but I feel like every minute I am planning the next minute. I am having a tough time staying in the now. Because right now Samantha and I are up and she is talking and being adorable and we are enjoying each other or I could feel like we are up at this early time and start worrying about the day, Max, me, hubby, Samantha, taxes etc. You get it.

I know this will pass-this feeling of not being able to BE and enjoy. It has really taken a toll on my hubby and I need to start including him on what is happening with me. I tend to hold on tight and try and keep it together but clearly that does not work.

All in all, I am going to try and stay in the now even though life with two can be tough-I am blessed. I am blessed sand I need to start saying this to myself instead of sitting in the crap.

I am always so happy for this blog because I really feel like this is a place where I can let go and just BE!

Also while at her house this am, we were talking about pregnancy weight gain. My friend only gained 20 pounds. Damn her. Damn that lucky girl. Did I mention that I have gained 20 so far? I could have killed her. I left feeling a tad depressed but then realized that my body is doing what it needs to do. Then I talked to my other friend and she reminded me that few women gain that little weight. Then I felt better.

Max now loves to beep my belly button-still it is already sticking out. Yeah, did I mention that? 

Max loves to shower and in the past few days I have felt like I needed to step in the shower again at night as well so we shower together. Max loves to stand behind me and I had this great moment where I remembered being a little girl in the shower with my Mom and putting my hands out to catch the water that would come off her elbows-well Max was doing the same thing tonight. It made me want to cry with happiness and love.

Max woke up in the transition from car to stroller for his nap and so he napped only 20 minutes today but he was such a joy and happy and no tantrums. I am so damn lucky and he passed out at 8 pm.

I have to pack for Max and myself and go grocery shopping for the shore tomorrow. I am so excited to go away with my family. My hubby has been working non-stop this week and so it will be nice to go away. He only has to leave one day for a meeting. Yeah fun family fun. But I will miss you guys and I am sure I will have tons of pictures when we get home the following Saturday.

Today we had our ups and downs as well. It amazes me that one minute we are dancing and hugging in the kitchen and the next minute we are having tantrums. I am trying to stay patient during these tantrums and not take it personally but they just can tire me out. I even tried to take a nap today but I could not even fall asleep. I am so jealous of people who can nap.

Luckily, in comparison to other kids his age, Max is truly a sweetie. He is a hugger, kisser and lover but he is like me, and when he does not get his way-well then here come the drama. Like I said, I am really trying to be positive during these moments and say things like:

1. Max is angry. Can Mommy help max?
2. Max is frustrated. Mommy is here if you need me.
3. Mommy loves you and Mommy hopes Max feels better.

UGH. I need somebody to say those things to me when I am pissed off. LOL.

Anyway, I guess that is why we have the ups because the downs feel so down.

Her kids were so adorable. I felt like I just wanted to snuggle them and snuggle them some more. Max had a great time playing with her daughter while her son munched and drank in his stroller. It could not have been better. Max only had 2 fits and they were over in a matter of 20 seconds. I think it was because he did not get his full nap today but still all in all, it was great for all of us.

We looked at fish, gabbed and ran after the little ones. I felt so comfortable and so happy. I feel so lucky to have met Christy and her crew. I wish I could meet all of the people that I have become friends with from having a blog.

Well THANK YOU CHRISTY AND THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO READS MY BLOG. I truly appreciate from my heart. You are all such a support in my life.

I am not the greatest writer and I never have been. I think I think too fast to explain it in words. I am amazed when I read blogs that are so well written that you actually feel like you know exactly how that person feels.

I have also wondered what makes people come back to your blog. I have never had many people make comments and I think at one time it made me feel like a failure. It made me feel like I was not accepted in the blog world but I also realized that this blog was created  so I could look back and remember..almost like a journal. But I have to admit that having people comment on my blog makes me feel good. It also gives me another perspective or support and we all need that.

I am happy that I have this blog. It has given me a place to vent when I was scared to share my emotions or fears with anybody but I had you guys. Thanks.

Well we had such a good time but like I said yesterday it is so hard for me to come back to reality. I think by Thursday I started to feel anxious about going home. I tried to ignore the feelings and then found myself a little irritated and bitchy-but not for too long. It is hard adjusting back to life. It was so nice being together all day, laughing and eating and just enjoying the beach life. I fell back in love with the hubby and Max was adorable-he is truly our child-a beach kid at heart. Even as young as 3 months old, we took Max to naples Florida and we would go to the beach at 10 am and leave at 4 pm. Max would nurse, sleep, play and nurse, sleep and play. It was great and still Max does the same. He ate on the beach and slept in his stroller and played.

We were all very sad to come home but we are going to extend our trip in September for two weeks instead of one. I feel so lucky that we can go back and stay for a while. It truly does recharge us since my hubby is often out at night for work. I said before-he works from home but often he has meetings after 7/8 pm, when the normal world gets home from work. So it was nice just being together at the beach and not having any meetings to interrupt our time together. Max got so attached to Scott and I think Scott realized how important spending time with him is because even the last few days have been different than before our vacation. Scott is spending more time with Max before he leaves for his evening meeting. It is really nice to see that vacation has extended beyond home.

This little one will be named Samantha Jane-or at least that is what we have decided as of today. We will probably call her Sam.

I was very nervous about the scan and Scott asked me why I did not say anything to him but my hubby, as great as he is at listening, would have just tried to solve the problem and say something like…WHY WOULD YOU BE NERVOUS? EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE. Then I would have been pissed off so I just did not say anything to him but I was nervous. I just wanted to find out that everything was good so far and it was. We are very fortunate.

I am excited to decorate a room with pink and buy adorable outfits but I have to admit that I know how to raise a boy and so there is a part of me that is scared. But I also feel that no matter what-I would not really parent any differently. I am very sweet with max but also rough and I do not think I would be much different. That is just who I am.

Anyway, we are off to the beach for a week tomorrow am and I have decided not to bring my laptop. We are going to really step back from the computer for this week. I am so excited. So I will chat with you guys when we get back.

Another reason for doing this, is that most of the playgrounds have the swing sets and play stuff in the middle of the sun all day. We are lucky that half of our yard is in the shade by mid day. I think it is such a wonderful idea and I think Max will just have so much fun. Then I do not have to worry as much about taking Max to run and run and run while tending to and breast feeding a new little one. Now of course we will go out but those late days after nap are the hardest, when they are kind of still tired but wide awake. So I am picking out a swing set after we return home from the beach. I am so excited. Now please send prayers for Christy to get a swing set too!!

I guess Max is really lucky that he has such great hair. I did not cut his hair for the first 7 months but it was so long and crazy that we had no choice. He has had about 6 haircuts since then and still his hair grows and grows and grows. He has a combination between my curly locks and his fathers hair, which is kind if curly but can be combed straight. 

Luckily we have this col place called Kids Cuts and they have a slide and dvd for the kids and it is a lot of fun and distraction but still when the women gets near Max’s ears well then it is all over. I wish there was a better way to ease the mind of your kid during these times but if somebody was coming at me with scissors and I did not know them, well I guess I would scream too. At least he looks cute at the end of the day.

And yes we still allow the binky. I guess we will not take it away either till he gives it up or after the next baby. He loves his binky so much. We do not give the binky when we go out but he is allowed at home and in the car. Some kids have blankies, he has a binky. Either way, I am sure we will be fine. I think too many people make rules about when kids should not have things that make them feel secure. I am sure it will all balance out. I do not think he will graduate school with his binky in his mouth. lol