Yes, what the fuck! I guess when it rains it pours. Yes 3 out of 20 people have it but come on now. I guess no more can happen now. First the lice, then the speech and food issues and now this on my chest. I got the phone call yesterday that I have this on my chest. last week I went and had them remove a skin tag that did not look good and the woman called me yesterday, who did not have good bed side manner and I had no idea what she was saying but I heard cancer so I ran down to the hubby (who was running at the time on the running machine and said, ” I HAVE CANCER-THE GOOD KIND> WHATEVER THAT MEANS”. Hubby was quite confused and then informed the hysterical me that a lot of people have it but again, come on.

Between some hormones that are wacky and the doctors cannot figure it out, this and my serotonin and dopamine levels who are not doing there job, well I have melted down. 

But what I also know is that I have lost this part of me that just can BE since Samantha was born. I LOVE my kids but I feel like every minute I am planning the next minute. I am having a tough time staying in the now. Because right now Samantha and I are up and she is talking and being adorable and we are enjoying each other or I could feel like we are up at this early time and start worrying about the day, Max, me, hubby, Samantha, taxes etc. You get it.

I know this will pass-this feeling of not being able to BE and enjoy. It has really taken a toll on my hubby and I need to start including him on what is happening with me. I tend to hold on tight and try and keep it together but clearly that does not work.

All in all, I am going to try and stay in the now even though life with two can be tough-I am blessed. I am blessed sand I need to start saying this to myself instead of sitting in the crap.

I am always so happy for this blog because I really feel like this is a place where I can let go and just BE!

Max and I went to my friends house for a play group-the one who thought her baby was not OK..well it turns out the doctors made a mistake. A MISTAKE!! OMG-wow that would be pissed me off. Thank goodness everything is fine with the adorable little girl and her Momma was in quite good spirits.

Also while at her house this am, we were talking about pregnancy weight gain. My friend only gained 20 pounds. Damn her. Damn that lucky girl. Did I mention that I have gained 20 so far? I could have killed her. I left feeling a tad depressed but then realized that my body is doing what it needs to do. Then I talked to my other friend and she reminded me that few women gain that little weight. Then I felt better.

Max now loves to beep my belly button-still it is already sticking out. Yeah, did I mention that? 

Max loves to shower and in the past few days I have felt like I needed to step in the shower again at night as well so we shower together. Max loves to stand behind me and I had this great moment where I remembered being a little girl in the shower with my Mom and putting my hands out to catch the water that would come off her elbows-well Max was doing the same thing tonight. It made me want to cry with happiness and love.

Max woke up in the transition from car to stroller for his nap and so he napped only 20 minutes today but he was such a joy and happy and no tantrums. I am so damn lucky and he passed out at 8 pm.

I have to pack for Max and myself and go grocery shopping for the shore tomorrow. I am so excited to go away with my family. My hubby has been working non-stop this week and so it will be nice to go away. He only has to leave one day for a meeting. Yeah fun family fun. But I will miss you guys and I am sure I will have tons of pictures when we get home the following Saturday.

Yes, I did it. JINX. I spoke the wrong word-Sleep and it all messed up. I was so pissed last night that I could not even blog because I felt like such a failure. I felt like something was working and then I screwed it up. I don’t have these feelings as often as I did when Max was really little but I was just so pissed. max did not fall asleep until 8:35 pm and tonight 8:30 pm but luckily tonight, I was not a spaz. Yesterday I could not just let it roll off of me that 8 pm is not when his body gets tired. Yes maybe I could wake him up from a nap at 1:30 or 2 pm like I used to but then he does not get a good nap and then the day is nutty. I think the MOM needed him to get to sleep by 8 pm more than the baby did.
So I was pissed and I was resentful that he was not sleeping and then today I realized how stupid that all sounds and how I just need to go back to what worked for us-well kind of worked because at times he could use the extra 30 mins of sleep but regardless it worked.

Today we had our ups and downs as well. It amazes me that one minute we are dancing and hugging in the kitchen and the next minute we are having tantrums. I am trying to stay patient during these tantrums and not take it personally but they just can tire me out. I even tried to take a nap today but I could not even fall asleep. I am so jealous of people who can nap.

Luckily, in comparison to other kids his age, Max is truly a sweetie. He is a hugger, kisser and lover but he is like me, and when he does not get his way-well then here come the drama. Like I said, I am really trying to be positive during these moments and say things like:

1. Max is angry. Can Mommy help max?
2. Max is frustrated. Mommy is here if you need me.
3. Mommy loves you and Mommy hopes Max feels better.

UGH. I need somebody to say those things to me when I am pissed off. LOL.

Anyway, I guess that is why we have the ups because the downs feel so down.

Yes, it finally happened. We met Christy and her little ones. We live about an hour away from each other and so we met half way at the New Jersey Aquarium. It was so much fun. There was none of that nervous first time meeting feeling because we know each other so well from reading each others blogs.

Her kids were so adorable. I felt like I just wanted to snuggle them and snuggle them some more. Max had a great time playing with her daughter while her son munched and drank in his stroller. It could not have been better. Max only had 2 fits and they were over in a matter of 20 seconds. I think it was because he did not get his full nap today but still all in all, it was great for all of us.

We looked at fish, gabbed and ran after the little ones. I felt so comfortable and so happy. I feel so lucky to have met Christy and her crew. I wish I could meet all of the people that I have become friends with from having a blog.

Well THANK YOU CHRISTY AND THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO READS MY BLOG. I truly appreciate from my heart. You are all such a support in my life.

I have always wondered when people blog and how they came to create a blog. I do think blogging is a talent and I admire people that do it very well. I am blown away when I see blogs that have a daily comments of 70 or more..even 15 blows me away. I have to admit that sometimes I can not remember all of the funny or gross or annoying stuff that happens to me daily. I also don’t like to just bitch all of the time but I think that is the real stuff. I am always so confused as to what to put in my blog. I notice people comment when I am bitching about something: mommyhood, poop, The Hubby, Sleep, Teething and well you get the picture. I am a much better talker-actually I am Jewish and most Jewish women talk and talk and so talking is not my problem but writing..well it was never too easy for me.

I am not the greatest writer and I never have been. I think I think too fast to explain it in words. I am amazed when I read blogs that are so well written that you actually feel like you know exactly how that person feels.

I have also wondered what makes people come back to your blog. I have never had many people make comments and I think at one time it made me feel like a failure. It made me feel like I was not accepted in the blog world but I also realized that this blog was created  so I could look back and remember..almost like a journal. But I have to admit that having people comment on my blog makes me feel good. It also gives me another perspective or support and we all need that.

I am happy that I have this blog. It has given me a place to vent when I was scared to share my emotions or fears with anybody but I had you guys. Thanks.