I always knew the day would come when it was not all about me-the MOM anymore. Of course rejection is not totally what I feel but I do feel kind of sad and happy at the same time. I am sad that my little boy is growing up and that I am not the only one that he craves when he is sad. I am happy because I see that my little boy is finally trusting other people. It used to be that Max ran to me if I entered the room but now it is Daddy. As I said, I am so grateful that my son has an awesome Dad, who he wants to be with at every moment. And why not-he knows that his Dad is like him. I guess it got me really upset when I came home and he was with his sitter and he would not come to me. He actually got upset when I tried to hold him. I know a few things. One of them is that I am tired and just not myself right now due to being pregnant. I also know that his sitter is his buddy and she is non-stop play. I also know she has energy because she does not have kids and I should be grateful that my kid adores her so much. But like I said, where did those times go when it was just me and Max? I guess this is why I hear parents cry when their kids go off to pre-school..because you just realize that your kid is growing up. I guess I never knew what it would feel like to share Max. Of course the hubby looked at me like I was nuts when I said this but hey he may not have those feelings. I am not sure if it is just a MOM thing but it still makes me sad and happy.

Today Max and I went to the playground again. It was a lot of fun. We went at 4 pm, the time that he usually starts having a tough time because he is not tired but he is not really too awake. Anyway, we went and just played. Max, of course, went down the slide head first. His Dad will laugh because somebody gave us one of those little slides for the yard and Scott showed him how to go down head first and so now that is what he does. Of course one mom said to me..OF YOUR KID IS FEARLESS AND I SAID, YEP, JUST LIKE HIS MOMMA.So we played and laughed and he flirted. And we actually met another mom. The first mom that I have met in my area. She is cute and we gabbed and we have done a lot of the same things with our kid and her kid is 15 Months. It was nice to meet another mom. I love traveling to Merion for our music and gym class but I often feel left out because we do not live around there. For example, typically we will finish class and the moms will say to each other..well call me later if you want to go to the park and we are a good 20 mins away and so we would not come back..oh I know..I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself and I am not but it was nice to meet somebody less than 5 minutes away from me. YEAH!It was also nice to take Max because I have been feeling like I am missing all this cool stuff with Max. I did not want to let go of my sitter after I stopped working but I have not found a happy medium yet for myself. I want to be with Max more and not lessen her hours because that would not be fair to her. So I am going to have her come one day later so Scott and I can go out on a date. We did this for 3 weeks and it was working great and I am not sure why we stopped but I think it it time to find the happy medium. Sometimes I get myself so lost and confused and the answer if right in front of me. I think hormones and lack of sleep don’t help he situation. 

So I told you guys that we hired back the old one, right? well if not, we did. We had the new one start and she did not even play with Max. Kind of strange huh? She just sat on the couch and watched him. Not good so we got the old one back and then she told me that she could not do it. Now keep in mind that I truly believe that things happen for a reason and so the OLD and the NEW were not meant to be.

So I posted and ad on Craigslist and found Shannon along with 20 other responses. I had promised myself that we would interview a few and then decide. Shannon walked in the door and got right on the floor with Max and he crawled over to her and let her pick him up. Now he does not even do that with our own famaily members. She also left him alone wbhen he pushed backed. She listened to him. She is also so giggly and I love that. They played ands we talked and it was great. She is a nanny full time and she loves kids. This is what she wants to do. She is so sweet. So with all said and done..we hired her.

She also can work weekends and so I may actually go out on a date with my hubby. That would be so cool.

Todays lesson: Just trust and keep the faith.

Scott called me today to say, “Honey, Max said MaMa”. He started saying MaMa a few days ago but I am not sure he knows what it means. But now he says it clearly. He also says lala and baba. It did make me feel so full when I heard him say it. I wanted him to scream it to the rest of the world.

I have to admit that I was worried he would say dada first. I know that sounds so silly but I would have been a little sad and jealous.

As for the babysitter, we hired back the old one. The new one came and did not even play with Max..it was strange and so life will go on and I will learn to accept my issues with her because the bottom line is : SHE IS GREAT WITH MAX. Even if it means that I just need to find a few backups..well I will do it.

As for the Lymes Disease, I am free and clear. I guess I got bit by a spider. Ouch and boy did it throw me for a loop. I felt like crap.

Oh my so much has happened since my ladt post. I feel like I am rushing and rushing , which may be true since I was working 10 to 5 and in meeting after meeting. I usually do not sit ikn meeting that long on Tuesday and wednesday but I did and boy, diod it make me appreciate working part time. I don’t think I would want to go back to sitting in an office (well I don’t think I ever did that) but you know what I mean. I always loved real estate because it was so flexible. I start to lose my mond if I am in one place too long. The best part of it all is that I came home and saw Max on the floor and he crawled across the room to me, I mean my BOOB. LOL. He has been doing the 4 crawl and then drop and then 4 crawl and then drop but yesterday was a good 7 or 8 crawl till he got to ME, I mean my boob.

The babysitter drama has ended but now I feel so bad because she is good with max. Now I am nervous that the new babysitter won’t be as animated or won’t be as fun or Max won’t like her or I won’t like her or we won’t like her. UGH. Faith is what I need. I need to just trust. I trusted myself through this whole thing and now I need to trust in my decision. OUCH! I hate having to say” We think it is not working out and we like you a lot and you are great with Max but we feel that this is not working anymore.” She raised her voice at my hubby the other day when the landscapers woke Max up from a nap and so he is just done with her. It makesw me sad because she is nice and I identify with a lot fo her STUFF. Father and Mother issues, body issues, power issues and a whole bunch of other muck but I don’t need that in my house TODAY. I do notice that I am scared to have a banysitter in my house who is not screwed up. Interesting. I don’t feel that I am not enough..I just feel more comfortable aroun\d somebody that is clearly messed up and of course, I want to save her (Oh thanks to my Father for this characteristic in myself) HEHE but it is not my job and she will be ok. I know I have to be clean about letting her go for my own growth and power. Ouch, why can’t I just run and let Scott do it? Oh yeah, because I am a grown up. YUK!

So lastly, yes he is crawling and now I really need to baby proof this house.

As for anything else, life is good.