I swore I would never get on a plane without my babies but I did it. For 3 days I went to Florida..one to relax and two to look at houses because we are thinking of moving. I have realized that I am either a city girl or a beach girl and we, the hubby and I, do the best near the water. So we would not be living on the beach, Geez, that would would be so money money but we would be about 15 minutes from the beach.

The first day I felt so lost and not to mention the father, who I knew at the airport, saying good bye to his little boy, who was going with Nana to Florida and the boy was crying and he looked like Max..I had to walk away because tears were falling down my face. But I got called home, left a book of “what to do with the kids stuff” and boarded the plane. There was a weird sense of calm despite the fact that I have never been away from my kids except when I gave birth to Samantha and Max was much younger so this was a lot.

I stayed at PGA golf resort and spa so I could look at the Palm Beach Gardens area and loved it. I of course am torn..my family lives here and well it is a lot to move and i HATE change but I know this is what is the best for us as a family. So we are cleaning up the house, touching up the paint in certain areas and listing it in 2 weeks for the spring buyers. This is so scary and exciting and I am sure you will hear about my back and forth feelings about this one..but I want a slower life for us-especially my kids. I want to be outside all year in a slower life.

I had a great trip and a great massage. Even little things like watching a movie without the fear of a baby waking up-a night without a kid waking up..my time..my schedule..it was so nice. I looked at house with an agent and we decided on the community. I looked at schools and have a sense of where Max and samantha would go to school. I came back a little bitchy because I was scared that this was so right but I am better now. I am not the best at this kind of stuff. Some people welcome change, I get excited and then freak out and then get sad and then get angry.

Between the kids, school and my own head that seems to go in circles often, I have not been blogging much and I miss it so much..just having a place to let go.

So I did it..I graduated in the mommyhood of being able to let my kids know that it is ok for mommy to go away and come back..I guess it is really a big message-that I can take care of myself and still be a good mom..also forgot to mention the guilt when I left but by the second day it was gone..I had to remember that by doing this I would be a better mom anyway..refreshed again.

My dearest Max,

You have really become your own person this month. You are using words to express so many feelings. You will often walk around saying things like..”That makes me MAD” or “baby you are being bad because you are taking my cars”. We are so proud of you and how you are expressing yourself. It is truly amazing to watch you grow and become confident with your words. It is crazy to think that one year ago you did not even say one words and no it is endless. WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU! WAY TO GO MAX!!

You LOVE anything that has to do with the CAR MOVIE. I swear we watch it 3 times a day and you actually pretend with your own cars that they are in the movie. It is very cool to watch you play as you have such a great imagination.

You are still a great eater. You love grass fed bison burgers, goat milk kefir, kombucha, carrot juice, rice, brown rice pasta, veggies and fruits. I swear you could live on fruits and veggies and you haver been that way forever.

You love to act like you are mad but if I even tickle you or say something you break out in laughter. You can rarely stay upset and I think you find it funny to pretend you are angry.

You have two best friends at school: Thomas and Bruno. I hear that you are the three BOYS and you guys run the show in a good way. You ask often if they can come and play cars with you at your house and eat ice cream and chocolate. You love coconut milk ice cream and you love when I make chocolate icing for you to put on your muffins. You always tell me that you love me. It is adorable.

You have a sweet soul. You are always helping me with your sister. You are always sharing your food. You are always worried about people in general. I love that you are all boy and yet have such a kind heart. You are very sensitive and that makes me happy. You are all boy with lots of love. It is a great combo.

I would just say that you love life. You enjoy every ounce of it and it is wonderful to watch. You have an amazing sense of humor and are constantly laughing. Even though it was a tough month so far because you were sick for two weeks off and on, you still found a way to enjoy. I am so glad spring is here because you have been loving the sun and we are playing outside on the swings, with your big green car and chalk. It is great..ah forgot to mention that the sandbox.

You are a great son and a great big brother. Thanks you for being so awesome. Thank you for always challenging me to be better than I am. I love you so much.

Love, Mommy

Dearest Samantha,

From this picture above, I can tell you are 15 months going on 12 years old. I swear you are so grown up already and even though time sometimes feels like it stands still, it seems to fly by. You have become a little girl this month in so many ways. I know I say that every month but I feel like this one your little girl personality is shining.

You are so independent. It is hard to even go food shopping with you because you refuse to be carried or sit in the grocery cart. I guess I could be that Mom with a screaming kid but I swear your will and power would override any games that I could play to distract you and no a cookie would not work, since you do not love food and you are gluten/wheat and soy free so our options are limited. Basically you want to walk on your own until you feel that I should pick you up and you do the little gesture with your hand and say something that resembles up…but I think you just say..”PPPPP”.

You have started to dance and break dance like your brother does. You actually watched him do one his moves and then did it yourself. You had me in tears from laughing so hard. Check it out!!

You have had a tough month so far…you have been sick twice. It seems this is the month that everybody in our family always gets sick-this month and October and you have been sick with a cold and then a chest cold-it has been awful..many homeopathic remedies such as pulsatilla, chamomilla, and kali bich. It seems that chamomilla did the trick and also helped with the 3 teeth that are coming in-2 molars and another tooth on the bottom right. UGH.

Oh can I have your eye lashes because I love them and just love you.

We actually went out to play yesterday even though you and the rest of us were not feeling great but I knew that vitamin D would help and it was so nice until you ate the dirty snow and then we went inside. LOL. You have this part of you that like to gets in trouble and I can see that look where you just want us to say NO..like how you try and hang from the over handle these days..You have such an adventurous side to you. I love it and I see so much of myself. I am getting myself prepared.

You are still in love with Shrek and actually laugh at different parts of the movie. You also love Milo and Otis, a film about a cat and dog and their travels. You are really enjoying playing with the pretend kitchen and are great at enjoying your toys on your own but you also love to wreck your brothers toys and then watch him get upset. I have a feeling this will go on for a long time between the two of you. You are the light of my life. I am so lucky to have you as my little girl and to watch you grow and experience. I hope you never stop exploring and continue to challenge us. I love that you are strong willed and yet need to be cuddled and snuggled. Keep loving…you are so loved by me.

Love,

Your Mommy

It has been way too long. I am not sure where the days go. I have the same schedule each week and it just seems like I don’t have a second to spare. School is going great. I am learning so much and I know I will be an awesome health coach.

Max is doing great. he is loving school and says his best friend at school is a boy named Thomas. Thomas is a very sweet kid and it makes me so happy that Max feels like he has a buddy. The theme is this house is the movie CARS. It is everything. I wondered why so many people gave Max Car Movie stuff for his 3rd B day but now I know..it is because some magic LOVE CAR MOVIE thing happens at the age of 3 because it happened here. He has a Car theme Towel, pajamas, shirts, and of course most of the cars in the movie and Mack-the car transporter too. Yes we do spoil our kid but at least he is a sweetie and not a little bratty boy. Max is doing great with his speech and we are just so proud. he told me today I was silly because I thought it was Thursday. LOL. I swear I have such Mommy Brain.

As for Miss Samantha, she refuses to be carried unless she feels that it is the time to carry her. She is so independent and also is such a love muffin. Samantha is cutting 3 teeth-YES THREE and it is horrible and we have been giving her a lot of motrin. She cutting the upper left and bottom molars and another damn tooth on the right side. She actually rolled around on the floor crying for about 20 minutes chewing on her little sleeve crying. Poor little girl. She loves Shrek and you cannot pull her away from the TV when it is on. You can also say “shake your booty” and she shakes her little body and dances. She also does this dance move that Max does that we call Break Dancing-where she puts her head on the floor and puts one leg up. She watched max and then did it herself. I was cracking up.

Even in these times when she is feeling bad or Max, I have to say to myself..”It is OK. There is nothing I can do”. I have found that watching my little ones in pain causes me to get upset, sad at first and then angry and then frustrated because I can’t take the pain away so now I am just trying to let go in the moment of my little one just being in pain. We actually left music class this am early because she just did not want to be there. I think with Max I would have gotten upset and felt even a strange leaving early but not now. I picked her up and took her home because she had enough and felt good about it. It is cool to watch myself growing up as a mom and that feels good.

It has been a long winter and I am so excited for the spring. I just need sun. I just need to be outside playing with the kids or even soaking up some nice weather for myself. Despite the winter feeling so long, I am not sure where the time has gone. I promise to take some pics of my kids and post them because Max looks so big and Sam is just looking adorable as always.