In the past few months I have become really close with my husband again. We are hanging out, laughing and enjoying our marriage. he has gone away for 4 days and I just feel lost. I don’t realize how emotionally dependent on my husband I am until he is gone. Last night I just felt depressed and sad. Yes, one of the obvious reasons is I have PMS also but I just felt alone. I am lucky that I have some family helping me and my sitter come for 4 hours today but I still feel blah. Whenever somebody leaves, I do this crazy thing where I pull away and kind of shut down to protect myself. I hate that part of me. I really want that part of me to change.

Since I started nutrition school at the Institute for Integrative Medicine, I am being asked questions about gratitude and what are the missing pieces in my life. I think as a mom I just don’t breathe, I had a tough time slowing down and breathing before but I think it has been especially hard with one child and now two kids.

I often feel like I just have to keep going..almost like a moving target cannot get hit. I know it is nutty. I just want to be able to chill but at the same time, I am the one who does it all around here..the bills, the household stuff, taking Max to school, taking care of the kids, myself, my hubby..well if you are a woman..I am sure you understand.

Sometimes I feel like I am not enjoying my life because I am so busy in the future or sometimes even the past..so I am gonna remind myself daily to take a damn breath!!

I have an amazing life and it would be a shame if I was not in the minute to minute enjoying it.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 13th, 2009 at 5:53 am and is filed under Life, Rachel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.