I think I am finally feeling like myself again because Thanksgiving was just full of gratitude for my life, my kids, may family and my husband. This week my husband lost his uncle to MS-a battle that he has been fighting for years and he finally lost the battle and died last Sunday and the funereal was Tuesday and they sat Shiva (a Jewish mourning period) for two days. It was a long week but it was also good. It reminded me that every moment in out life counts and that we can decide how are life is going to be-half empty or half full. This year, after losing his brother, my husbands dad decided to cook Thanksgiving and damn is he a good cook. It was also a ton of fun because the cousins-4 included all under the ages of 3 had a blast playing. It was a great week full of death and life just like everything in the world-the yin and the yang.

It was hard not to be with my family but I also love my husbands family and so it was amazing. It was chill..tons of laughing and great food.

It has taken me a little to get back to feeling full of gratitude. I think the first year of a babies life is just hard on the mom and the family as a whole but we are all in our groove and it feels great.

I hope everybody had an amazing Thanksgiving full of love and good food.
and more food..

And Max’s first time eating mashed potatoes with butter!!

and he even ate some cookies hiding under the table..

and they both enjoyed sitting by the fire–sam looks so serious..

And then we all took some quiet time on the stairs..It was amazing..so full of grace..

So we decided to give Max his new big green truck as an early birthday present. We figured the weather is nice and what is the point of giving him a new truck to drive in the winter. We showed his a calendar and explained that this present was early. he kept saying..EARLY… EARLY  big geen (green)  car!!! SEvery day I would pick him up from school and he would ask me this and everyday he would tell me to call DAD and ask him about his new big green car. Max was constantly looking in the catalogs that got delivered to the house and almost had a heart attack when he saw the big green truck in the Toys R Us catalog. I know we are total consumers. So we gave it to him and he was so damn excited and I think Sam was excited as well because she can now join in on the fun.

We asked each of the family members to chip in on Max’s  birthday gift. This year we are trying to keep it all pretty low key, considering it is his birthday and Chanukah all rolled into one month. Generally I take half or more of  the gifts and out them away anyway for a rainy day or a time when he deserves a gift.

So check out Max and Sam having a blast together!!

There were so many pictures and videos documenting each moment and it made me think of what they are going to be like when  they are older. Sam was hanging her arm out of the car and Max was trying to adjust the radio and then sam would try and he would push her away and she would try again..and again..I swear I was watching them at 16 and 14..the day Max gets his license. It cracked me up and made me realize that we will be there before I know it. I just adore these kids and they are so funny together-just like an old married couple.

So these days I am just so busy and it is all good. Being in school has been amazing but it means that during my day I am working and if I am not working, then I am with the kids. I do get one day where I can get some acupuncture, go food shopping alone and run errands. I swear just going to the grocery store alone is a treat. I love school. I am attending a distance learning program at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and it is amazing. I am learning so much and will be so excited to be a health counselor. I am aiming to work with families and helping them to get as healthy as they can be. I would love to start with a woman during pregnancy and then help with nutrition with the kids. It is just amazing but I am finding less and less time to blog.

Max is doing great. He has probably about 500 words and he is getting more and more comfortable using his words. He loves school and we are watching Max grow up so fast. It is just amazing. He has a tough timer sometimes in the am and he says he wants to stay home but the minute we get to the school parking lot he starts running. It is so cute and then he does not even say good bye-he just grabs his ELMO bag and goes into class. He looks so grown up and I swear I dont even know where my little boy went to.

As for Miss Samantha, she is already singing. She does the shhhh from the wheels on the bus and she says MA for max. She is hysterical. She is so full of personality. She just tried to stand the other day and then miserable on her face. Poor little girl. She is cutting 4 teeth right now and not so happy but for her not so happy is another babies great day.

Both of them have birthdays in December. Sam tuns 1 on the 7th and Max turns 3 on the 20th. Sam’s b day we are having a small family thing and Max’s b day will be at a place called Bouncetown and they do an awesome party.

What an exciting month for my babies! And what an exciting year fort myself. I am realizing so much about myself and slowing down and just taking stuff as it comes. I feel like these babies have forced me to grow so much and I am so grateful.

In the past few months I have become really close with my husband again. We are hanging out, laughing and enjoying our marriage. he has gone away for 4 days and I just feel lost. I don’t realize how emotionally dependent on my husband I am until he is gone. Last night I just felt depressed and sad. Yes, one of the obvious reasons is I have PMS also but I just felt alone. I am lucky that I have some family helping me and my sitter come for 4 hours today but I still feel blah. Whenever somebody leaves, I do this crazy thing where I pull away and kind of shut down to protect myself. I hate that part of me. I really want that part of me to change.

Since I started nutrition school at the Institute for Integrative Medicine, I am being asked questions about gratitude and what are the missing pieces in my life. I think as a mom I just don’t breathe, I had a tough time slowing down and breathing before but I think it has been especially hard with one child and now two kids.

I often feel like I just have to keep going..almost like a moving target cannot get hit. I know it is nutty. I just want to be able to chill but at the same time, I am the one who does it all around here..the bills, the household stuff, taking Max to school, taking care of the kids, myself, my hubby..well if you are a woman..I am sure you understand.

Sometimes I feel like I am not enjoying my life because I am so busy in the future or sometimes even the past..so I am gonna remind myself daily to take a damn breath!!

I have an amazing life and it would be a shame if I was not in the minute to minute enjoying it.

My dearest little girl,

I cannot believe that 11 months have passed since you came into our lives. You are such a spirited little person already. You have such personality. You have two parts to you-real calm and quiet and the other is real fiery. You ask for what you want and you have no problem telling people when you are pissed off. You love to dance. You have 4 dance moves and luckily we have captured them all on video. Your dance moves are the following: one is shaking your booty, one is where you shake your booty and put your head down, one is where you put your hand in the air and shake your booty and then one is where you just twist your torso. It is all so cute to watch. You still love to listen to music and you love to sing songs. You do the hand moves for wheels on the bus and twinkle twinkle. You have such rythym.

You were a lady bug for Halloween and I especially love this photo because you are always a bug on the run. If every door is not closed or the gates are not shut, then you run and then you find the stairs and up you go. You are pretty good at the stairs but I don’t want to test it out-meaning you going by yourself. You enjoyed your costume and I think you enjoyed the Halloween party we attended because you could flirt with all of the boys.

You love feeding yourself. Your favorite food is butternut and acorn squash but your do enjoy carrots, banana and yogurt. Basically the only food you will allow to be fed by anyone but yourself is yogurt. I love how independent you are already. Your brother likes to feed you. Actually he loves to help me take care of you unless you are playing with his toys and that happens often.

You have been getting in 3 teeth and I swear this evening I saw another one coming in. This whole month has been tough because of teething. We have had many nights of tylenol and/or homeopathy. I feel so bad for you. I cannot even imagine the pain. And to top it off-day light savings time has messed it all up. You are now waking so early and going to sleep so early.

You are very chatty. You can Mo, Da, Ma, By, Hi and a bunch of other words that make no sense to me but I am sure they mean a ton to you. You are so smart. You can watch me do something and then do it the next. You love to play and love to play rough. It is cute. You love to wrestle with your brother daily.

I cannot tell you in words how much I love you. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. I feel full because of you and hope that your life is full of love and laughter.

Love, Your momma