I have been annoyed all week at the hubby for being sick. Of course I would not want to be sick but the thought of sitting up in a room alone, sleeping, watching TV and doing nothing sounds amazing but it would never happen. Women are not like that. Our jobs never end. Even if I were sick, I would still be taking care of the kids. I would still be doing the bills, taking care of the house, calling ADT home security when one of the windows does not work, cooking, picking up Max from school, taking Sam to music class, dealing with my babysitter, food shopping, bathing the kids, clothing the kids, putting them to sleep, doctors apts etc. Wow that is a lot. Girls are born to grow into women who are multi-taskers. So even last year when Max was throwing up and I was throwing up, my hubby did not help because he did not want to get sick..makes sense and the fact that he gags/throws up at the sight of vomit or blood but can watch boxing or football where blood is always shows and limbs are always broken. Makes no sense. As I always have said, hubby is a great guy but he is a guy.

When I tried to explain to him that I was jealous, annoyed, irritated, he looked at me like I was an alien. He then said that he was annoyed that I was annoyed because he was so sick. FYI-he is still sick. he finally went to the doctor and he had a chest cold/cough/virus etc. It is bad and he looks like shit and sleeps constantly but it is what it is and I don’t want a fussy hubby walking around-I rather him sleep and get better. Thank God I have you guys to tell me I am not alone and when I talked to my girlfriend yesterday she said she always feel the same-even when her husband travels for business.

On another note-I sent my blood work to another doctor and he is coming up with a plan. I feel good about that. My current doctor was telling me that nothing could be done at this moment with all the hormones  etc. I have also been feeling a little depressed and have a ton of anxiety-anxietyt I have always had but depression is a new one-I talked to another doctor and she said that probably after having the kids my levels got screwed up and so she recommended Sam-e. It is a supplement that helps the liver to regulate toxins and enzyme support but also has an amazing effect for moodm mania and depression. It must be taken with a B 100 complex and folic acid but I have been on it for one day, a dose of 400 mg, and I feel great. Anyway, email me if you need any more details.

So men just don’t get us and thank goodness for our women friends!!

Finally yesterday I took a break from running because I was so drained. I think I am just addicted ti having that tine fir myself in the early am. Also since I was waking up at 5:15 am to run before the kids got up, now I just get up at that time so I figure why not run. But this past am and this morning I am just having some quiet time and blogging and checking out facebook with a good cup of coffee.

The hubby has been sick for almost 7 days now. I actually told him that he could not come out of our bedroom and so he has been in there without seeing me or the kids for like I said almost 7 days. He has this cold, cough, sneezing, yellow mucous thing and I can’t afford to get sick because nobody would do my job. There is a part of me that is angry with him because he is sitting up there just watching TV and sleeping but men suck when they are sick. Seriously. If your hubby does not suck when he is sick, then consider yourself so lucky. I know Scott does not help a ton but that one hour a day he does before, during and after dinner is so helpful. I also think it is just his presence that makes it easier. I know I am not alone and that if I need him then he is there but he has not been there. I have just felt warn out since the half marathon last week, having my period right after this IUD got taken out, fighting off some type of cold but not getting sick and just being ME (which means that I am always on the run). Oh and yes, forcing myself to have these hard workouts.

I hate when I have a short temper and I feel angry. I am by nature an annoyed person. I am one of the happiest people I know but I get annoyed easily. It is not one of my traits that I like and I try and work on it daily-I know it is attached to letting go. I try and hold onto to some stability but when you have kids there is no standard day because having kids changes life minute to minute. I have always talking about how having kids have forced me to grow so much. It has forced me to ask for what I need (still not so great at this) because I would just rather do it on my own. See growing up, things were a little crazy and I just did things on my own. I never trusted that they would get done otherwise so in adulthood I am forced to let go of this and change. So I hope my hubby gets better soon but I also believe that everything happens for a reason and in this week I have learned so much more about what I need to do for myself when I am tired, feeling alone, feeling the blah, having some PMS and just feel annoyed. I need to step back, ask for help and breathe. Thanks goodness for the MIL coming over Saturday and my parents helping Sunday.

Thank goodness for being a woman that is always growing and learning to let go.

So after another blood test, it showed that my hormones are back to normal-some are low but at least the estrogen is not high like it was. I also got the Mirena IUD pulled out and minutes later I felt better. I am just waiting patiently to see if the cysts on my ovaries vanish over the next 3 months. Annoying.

So my race was great. I ran the perfect race. I went out at the pace I wanted to do and then finished hard. I ran 13.2 miles in 2 hours and 6 mins. My husband ran the whole race with me and we had so much fun. I am definitely tired this week and I did some cross training yesterday since I am giving my knees a rest. It just feels good to have my body back and be in shape.

As for school, it officially starts in October but I have been doing warm up lectures online and reading books and it gives me purpose. I adore being a wife and a Mom but I needed something for me. I needed to have some other purpose. I am scared that I cannot juggle it all but I am sure I will find my way.

The kids are great. I feel like school has been great for Max socially. He is just getting to be so much better at transition. We are also talking a lot about RULES. We talk about sitting in our chair at dinner, sharing toys and being nice and no whining. Those are the rules in this house. I feel that Max is at an age where he knows how to use his words and when he is whining. I try and stay calm and tell him that he should go to his room and have some quiet time. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not but we are trying to show him that he has choices in how he acts. We used to say thing s like WHAT is Wrong, Are you OK? and kind of baby him and at that time he needed it…but I feel that he is growing up and needs to learn that he has control over his body. I am not saying I am not loving because you know me-I LOVE my kids and I am so loving and soft with my parenting approach but I am also trying to raise self confident and self reliant kids.

Sam is hysterical. She has so much personality and is so out going. She had her first music class last week at Makin Music and it only took her 15 minutes to crawl to the middle of the circle near the teachers. Then she crawls all around the class to the other kids and moms and says hello. She is also starting to mimic sounds and she actually waved yesterday to the woman! Way to go Sam!! She is such a good baby. She is a tough little girl and loves to wrestle and play rough. She is very independent but also loves to hug and snuggle. She also started to give kisses, (mouth wide open(. God I love these kids. I also love that they are so different. I just feel so lucky.

My dearest boy,

You are still a sweetie but you are also learning how to act in ways that can get you in trouble. I know sharing with your sister is tough or sitting at the dinner table and not standing on your chair but you love to TEST! I guess this month you are doing a lot of that and keep in mind that I say this and know that in comparison to other boys I see-you are an angel but you are still testing your Mom and Dad.

You still love Curious George and everything you eat,you ask if Curious George eats it too. Cauliflower is actually curious george broccoli in this house. You are a good eater and I have finally mastered a cookie for you that has only 4 ingredients and I am so proud. You LOVE them and ask for cookies non-stop. You also love my chicken soup and say..MMMM-Good when you eat the few spoons of broth that you eat. You love your veggies and brown rice pasta, hot dogs and hamburgers. Luckily, despite all your varied allergies, you love the foods that you can eat.

This month you went to school for the first time EVER! I dropped you off and you had not one tear  but days after you cried when I dropped you off but you were all smiles when I picked you up. The teachers said that each day got better for you. I love the Montessori school that we send you to just 5 minutes away. You also asked if you sister can come with us for drop off. It is so sweet. This picture above was right before I took you for the first time.

You love playing with your sister. You love to wrestle and climb on her and push her in this little cart we have. You are a great big brother. I swear you guys are like an old married couple.

You just look so big these days. It is hard for me to understand how you got this big. You do not look like a baby at all anymore. You have lots of friends and you are becoming so much more comfortable in social situations. This is a picture of one of your play dates with your buddy’s.

There is so much more I can say but I guess what I want to say to you is that there is a bond between a mother and her first born that is hard to put into words. We do everything together for the first time. We learn together and so I am just so lucky and honored that you chose me to be your Mom. I have said this before but I need to say it again..thank you and I love you.

Love, Your Mom

So all my other hormones came back as normal, and let me say thank goodness but my estrogen is still elevated. I also found out that I have three cysts, one which is the size of as fist and the other two golf balls. So after reading about the Mirena IUD, which is what I had placed in April, I started to wonder. I had once had a cyst on my ovary when I went on that damn patch many years ago and then I switched back to the pill and it went away. Now I know that I have had hormonal issues since I got off the pill, almost 5 years ago and of course, I had been on it for about 15 years.

So April and May I bled almost every day and then June and July were great and the all of August I bled. Is this too much info? So I have a feeling that the mirena, which is a little steady progesterone was too much for my body and so it started to make extra estrogen. Like I said, I know this is not the whole picture..this is just one piece of the ovarian cysts. So this am, we took it out and I swear I instantly felt better. I should have gone with the hormone free IUD and that will be the plan once we are through with these damn cysts. I just hope no surgery or no pills..I just hope it will deflate on its own and then I can move on to the big picture-probably seeing an endocrine specialist.

So after lost of blood test and saliva tests and an ultrasound and soon an MRI and two more blood tests-at least we are onto to something. Now the funny part of this all, is that I am in the best damn shape that I have been since I met my husband. I am running the Philadelphia Distance Run, which is 13.1 Miles on Sunday and I am so happy I got this IUD out this am and that I am already feeling better.

Not to mention the physical, but damn was I sad one second and then I bitch the next. So there I am done complaining and venting.

Tomorrow I am gonna post about something very cool-like Max’s first week at school or Sam’s first music class this Wednesday.