I don’t consider myself to be a high anxiety person but for a long time I had anxiety about being a mom and whether I was good enough. I would see other moms and I would just watch them or study them. I always felt like everybody was doing it right but me. I think for a long time I just thought it was only me that got frustrated and scared. Even though I would read other blogs, there was a part of me that felt like people were lying. I know that sounds strange but I thought that nobody else went through it like me. I have always had a tough time staying in the moment. I would get so scared of the what ifs that it would actually stop me from participating in life. I think when Max turned one, for some reason, I turned one in a strange way too. I feel like there was a part of me that started to let go. I started to open up inside of hiding my mommy emotions. It has been really different for me. I have become a better mom. I think I have always been an amazing mom to Max but I think I did not feel it. Today Max’s doctor, Daphne Goldberg, told me that I am one of the best and most attentive mothers that she has ever met. She told me once before but today I said..YEAH I KNOW. It felt great to believe her and believe myself. I also notice that I am not taking Max’s behavior personally anymore. When Max has a tantrum, it is because he is tired and it is just because he is a baby. I used to get really upset and frustrated. Now I just look at him and say-it is tough being a baby. As for Max, he is 32 inches and 24.8 pounds. I am only 4′11 and 3/4. I actually lean to one side when I carry him. 

Tonight I was looking through FLICKR and came across this picture of Max. Max was about 4 months old. He was so chunky and cute. He is still cute though but not chunky-muscular but not chunky. Even today at Little Gym, one of the Moms said that he looked so grown up today. She said that his face totally changed and now he really looks like a little boy. I wish I could post more but the pregnancy nausea and the extreme feeling that I am going to pass out at the computer from exhaustion is keeping me from writing anymore. But seriously in the day to day, it does not seem like it passes quickly but when I look back a month ago-well I am not sure how it flew by. I guess I just need to cherish these times.