Just as an FYI! Last night my son woke up at 9:30 pm crying and rubbing his mouth with his chub hands. I laid him down in our bed and left him there with my hubby. He woke immediately and started crying. My hubby tried to console him but it did not work. I came over and consoled him and he went to sleep. I left the room again and he cried. I came back in and took my little baby/little boy in my arms and cuddled him and he went right to sleep. I guess he still needs his momma. I guess at the end of the day, no matter what, we all just want our moms. So my heart filled up and my heart also learned a lesson and that is-my child will always come back to his momma but he needs to go out in the world and test the waters. Thanks Max for always teaching me more about myself.

I always knew the day would come when it was not all about me-the MOM anymore. Of course rejection is not totally what I feel but I do feel kind of sad and happy at the same time. I am sad that my little boy is growing up and that I am not the only one that he craves when he is sad. I am happy because I see that my little boy is finally trusting other people. It used to be that Max ran to me if I entered the room but now it is Daddy. As I said, I am so grateful that my son has an awesome Dad, who he wants to be with at every moment. And why not-he knows that his Dad is like him. I guess it got me really upset when I came home and he was with his sitter and he would not come to me. He actually got upset when I tried to hold him. I know a few things. One of them is that I am tired and just not myself right now due to being pregnant. I also know that his sitter is his buddy and she is non-stop play. I also know she has energy because she does not have kids and I should be grateful that my kid adores her so much. But like I said, where did those times go when it was just me and Max? I guess this is why I hear parents cry when their kids go off to pre-school..because you just realize that your kid is growing up. I guess I never knew what it would feel like to share Max. Of course the hubby looked at me like I was nuts when I said this but hey he may not have those feelings. I am not sure if it is just a MOM thing but it still makes me sad and happy.

We cannot handle the tears. We thought we would be comfortable doing sleep training but we are not. We had tried when Max was about 10 months and Max cried and cried and threw up a few times. We did manage to get him to sleep in his crib a few nights with only spending the 5 am and on in our bed but now-we just can’t. We both thought that we would wait until after the ear tube surgery but now that we talked about it-it just does not make sense for us. Of course it is hard when Max gets up for a mid night party and is up for 2 hours but that usually only happens when he is really teething or when he had an allergic reaction to a food. Max sleeps in his bed from 7 pm till 11 pm or 12 am and then sleeps in our bed the rest of the night. He typically does not wake up until 6 am and since the surgery it has been 7 am (*YEAH!! Please GOD keep this going for the sake that I am pregnant and tired). I have always had a tough time thinking about the sleep training. I have no problem letting his fuss and cry when it is tantrum but the sleep thing is just too hard. I guess it is hard for me to train Max to know that I am not coming at night. I do not say this to pass judgement..this is just to explain my feelings. I am jealous of those moms that have perfectly sleeping kids but we cannot handle the tears. I was worried that Max would not learn to self soothe but after watching him evolve this past 16 months, I see and independent and fearless kid who knows how to soothe himself to sleep at 7 pm and for his naps. As for the sleeping though the night, I am hoping he leans by the next baby. And if he does not, well then I guess we will have to figure something out. Please understand that i no way and I passing judgement. We in no way set out to be parents who did co-sleeping but it worked out that way over time. All in all Max is a very special kid and so I am thinking that we are doing something right. What have you experienced with your kid or kids when it comes to sleep? 

I am sorry for being a bad blogger but Max got tubes in his ears. I did not get much sleep Tuesday night because Max got up ay 4:45 am (oh please ) and then Wednesday night was rough as well. So blogging got put on the back burner. Max was not allowed solids or formula past 11 pm, so I woke him at 10:45 pm for a bottle. He drank it half asleep. Then at 4:30 am I woke him for some apple juice and he drank that and then went back to sleep until 5:40 when I woke him so we could get in the car and drive to Children’s Hospital in Voorhees, New Jersey, one of the satellite offices. Let me first say that CHOP is amazing and we did have great nurses except for the final nurse, who had the personality of somebody doing cocaine for 3 days with no sleep. Yeah GO FIGURE! She was nutty but I was not really worried about her. I just wanted her to get out of our face. She was making me feel like I had anxiety. Regardless, after tears on Wednesday night, and tears in the bathroom praying to GOD and everything else in the world holy or unholy, I was strong for my kid. Max was great and he was full of giggles after they dosed him with some drugs. I asked if they give that drug for take home use as well. The nurse laughed and said she wanted it too for her kids. LOL. Seriously, of course I would not but it is always fun to dream about a kid that giggles and sits still. The procedure was only 6 minutes start to finish and so we will just see how his ears are moving forward. No matter what-Max has allergies and he will have them forever. He will still be the kid who cannot eat dairy or soy and has an  intolerance to wheat It is ok because my hubby and I are the same way. Why would my kid be any different? Of course I get upset sometimes that he cannot just eat anything but he gets outer ear infections, just like swimmers ear and the outer gets aggravated by allergies and water. So for now, the kid of a competitive swimmer from ages 5 to 16, will just have to stay head above the water and no showers for a while. Crazy thing is that he was fine yesterday and this morning he feel and busted his lip and blood fell down his face. GO FIGURE!! Thank goodness for popsicles that helped the swelling and now you cannot even see the cut in his mouth. Good to be back. Have you ever had to go through your kid being put under for a procedure?

I don’t consider myself to be a high anxiety person but for a long time I had anxiety about being a mom and whether I was good enough. I would see other moms and I would just watch them or study them. I always felt like everybody was doing it right but me. I think for a long time I just thought it was only me that got frustrated and scared. Even though I would read other blogs, there was a part of me that felt like people were lying. I know that sounds strange but I thought that nobody else went through it like me. I have always had a tough time staying in the moment. I would get so scared of the what ifs that it would actually stop me from participating in life. I think when Max turned one, for some reason, I turned one in a strange way too. I feel like there was a part of me that started to let go. I started to open up inside of hiding my mommy emotions. It has been really different for me. I have become a better mom. I think I have always been an amazing mom to Max but I think I did not feel it. Today Max’s doctor, Daphne Goldberg, told me that I am one of the best and most attentive mothers that she has ever met. She told me once before but today I said..YEAH I KNOW. It felt great to believe her and believe myself. I also notice that I am not taking Max’s behavior personally anymore. When Max has a tantrum, it is because he is tired and it is just because he is a baby. I used to get really upset and frustrated. Now I just look at him and say-it is tough being a baby. As for Max, he is 32 inches and 24.8 pounds. I am only 4′11 and 3/4. I actually lean to one side when I carry him.